couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
