dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
