is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
