i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
