i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
