just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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