walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
