I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
