You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
