I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
