wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
