does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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