I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize