I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The air was thick with penises
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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