So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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