Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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