Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
