We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
