I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
