She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
