and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
