the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
