i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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