I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
