I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
