i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
