and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
