He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
