doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
