everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
