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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy

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• (760): View more from California

  I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.

  (818): View more from California

  haha i love mojitos

  (760): View more from California

  ya and i hate cabbage

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?

  (1-504): View more from Louisiana

  That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!

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