alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
