It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
