Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
