I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
