Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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