I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
