so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
