My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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