i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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