Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
