do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
