I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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