in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
