R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
