Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
