How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
