Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
