Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
