i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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