Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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