i would punch a child for taco bell
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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