alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
