Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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