I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
