i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize