I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
