Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Will you blow on my dice?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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