Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Someone came in the potted fern
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
