I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
