I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
