Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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