I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize