why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
