Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
