so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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