Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
