he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
