dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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