Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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