i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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