new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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