remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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