Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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