So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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