I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
