Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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