And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
